Thursday, July 31, 2014

Brian's fate

I have decided that I will also use this space as my writing journal. Today I had some free time and penned some thoughts in "stream of consciousness" manner a bit.

I have decided yet whether brian will fall in love. If he does, I think then you will suddenly see him understand every little detail, the thickness of the hair on her arms; whether she has any hair on her cheeks; how long her hair is when he meets her. The color of her lipstick; her eye shadow. Every conceivable detail about the surroundings when they meet.
I might have him meet a woman and have all this incredible detail, but not let them go straight towards love; maybe not at all; maybe she becomes more like a confidant. It is still undecided. Brian as a character is decided yet not really. He is a study in duality and I like that. The theme of what I see in the world will always center on duality. I think this duality is critical for us, as men, to understand our place int eh world.
It used to be simple. Go to work. Provide. Come home, be taken care of. The household; the children, that was the wife’s responsibility. Things have changed. We now care more about those other things we used to consider trivial. Despite this change, we still have expectations. There is a great crash between an old ideology of caretaker and moneymaker that still exists. Now, though, it co-exists with that ‘softer” side of masculinity.
I think this softer side makes us better and I think it makes the world better. But it is a process to get there and I do not think we have arrived yet. There is still a lot of confusion and angest among the male population in the civilized world. Our role is not yet redefined enough. There are still too many things that take us back to being the old male. And then we are thrown into reality with a change.
Take divorce. Int eh past, the man simply kept pursuing his career; sent a check. Move if needed. Now? Far more frequently the man will forgo the career moves to be a part of his childrens life even if that means giving upa  good job even if that means only seeing them when the mother allows. Some judges only give the every other weekend and yet there are some mothers who recognize the importance of the father and allow as mucgh time as possible,. But how does society look at the man whose career is not what is ‘expected?” simple. The same as they used to. As a single man, women still judged a man based on his ability to provide. They still cared how much money he made.

That is the struggle to which I refer. It is still there. The funny part is that many of the women who judge a man for giving up higher paying work in favor of being active in their chhldren’s life… complain that the father of their children is not involved. A mixed message being sent to the single father from the single mother.

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