tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25911037200708802632023-11-15T22:52:09.653-08:00Flock TalkThe Unofficial Blog of Duck Sports AuthorityScott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.comBlogger395125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-8101044725814156952016-01-03T11:14:00.001-08:002016-01-03T11:14:13.259-08:00The Sun Also Rises - A Football Edition<i>“You're an expatriate. You've lost touch with the soil. You get
precious. Fake European standards have ruined you. You drink yourself to
death. You become obsessed with sex. You spend all your time talking,
not working. You are an expatriate, see? You hang around cafes.”</i><br />
<br />
This morning yet another day is upon us. No cataclysmic refusal of a sun
to rise, no ridicule followed the performance of young men in a game to
my own personal nightmares. I am reminded that we are fans. Nothing
more and nothing less.<br />
<br />
Fans are a very important piece to the puzzle that is college athletics.
There is a sort of tribal or territorial pride involved. We spend our
money, we cheer, we revel in victory and agonize in defeat. But too
often we put ourselves ahead of the truth - that which is most
important. The players and coaches care more than do the fans. When we
got up this morning, our future was not dependent upon the outcome of
last night's game. Some of us will work today, most of us tomorrow. <br />
<br />
But there are 11 full time coaches and 85 scholarship football players
who are more distraught over the performance last night. They fought
with their blood, sweat and tears to bring fans a moment of perceived
joy, glory, happiness, which ever adjective best describes why we revel
in victory. Rodney Hardrick has had eight major surgeries during his
football career and faces a ninth this off-season. He is college
football.<br />
<br />
What is often lost after such a devastating defeat on the field is that
wins and losses are only a small piece of the puzzle. Every year 25 or
so young men arrive on a college campus having not really known what it
is like to be an adult. Coaches take these young men and attempt to
develop them into men who will bring positive to the world. The young
men, while spending 20 hours per week in football related activities,
also attend college full time attempting to not only develop into men of
character, but educated men of character.<br />
<br />
This, you see, is the primary objective of college football. Education.
Character. Of course, coaches are measured by more than just graduation
rates and character development. Wins matter. But as we wake up this
morning, we have become Hemingway's expatriates.<br />
<br />
<i>“You're a fan. You've lost touch with the soil. You get precious.
Fake SEC standards have ruined you. You drink yourself to death. You
become obsessed with winning. You spend all your time talking, not
working. You are a college football fan, see? You hang around message
boards.”</i><br />
<br />
These moments should be what they are for us. We are fans and we will
feel upset, betrayed almost, when the team for whom we cheer somehow
lets us down. But I can guarantee you that the players and coaches are
considerably more ruminative about their troubles in San Antonio than
any of us could hope to be.<br />
<br />
I woke up today to snow. I hate snow. But my dog ran and played in the
stuff and that brought joy to my wife and, consequently, myself. It is
just a game. A game played by young men. At the end of the day, it was
great joy to watch this season unfold at times, and painful at others. <br />
<br />
My pain, though, is temporary. There is another season to come. A season which will begin with the same hope as all seasons. <br />
<br />
Go Ducks.
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-65002199658605877472015-05-28T23:27:00.001-07:002015-05-29T13:17:58.187-07:00A season removed from purgatoryAs I look back at the season that was historic on so many levels, it is a certainty that my own experience in 2014 was a bit tainted by choices and situations both within my control and outside the purview of my capabilities. I look to the 2015 season as a season of renewal which is perfect in timing thanks in large part to the efforts of the Flyin' Hawaiian and the misadventures of a writer turned recluse who returned not so reluctantly to the sidelines late in the 2014 season to watch history unfold in front of my own eyes.<br />
<br />
It is with this backdrop that I open the 2015 football coverage both from the standpoint of writing for a website, covering the team based on their standards, attempting to also juggle my own priorities and still finding a way to jot down the season as it unfolds, quite like keeping a football journal which takes us all through the season.<br />
<br />
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What I find interesting about a journey I have yet to begin,
and a journey that will, as is frequently the case when embarking on a destination
of unknown points, take me directions I cannot predict, is that it once again
begins amidst some ambiguity regarding my role as a sports writer.</div>
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I use the term writer in place of journalist because to
consider someone writing about sports a journalist, their work in such capacity
should be ground-breaking and consciousness altering regarding the topic.
Nothing I say in an article about Oregon football rises to the level of
journalism in its essence. I think sometimes sportswriters call themselves
journalists because that is the only way to take their job as serious as it is
believed to be in their minds. This is a game, after all. There are not life
and death decisions; there is no nuclear war being averted. There is nothing of
substantive value provided from writing about a sporting event. </div>
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Groundbreaking stories regarding the ‘cheating’ of college coaches
in garnering competitive advantages in recruiting are hardly at the same level
of importance as say the Watergate scandal or other political scandals that
tend to rock the core of society and how we view things through a tainted lens
of obscurity. Once in a while there can be a sports story that shines the light
on bigger problems that need to be addressed. I am not thinking of those nice
little ten-minute tear jerker segments on ESPN produced to remind us of the
fragility of life in general, but more important stories that talk to us about
our souls as a people and a nation. The Penn State scandal involving Jerry
Sandusky comes to mind as one which exposes a much wider issue than anything a
football game can provide. Our perverse approach to sexuality in this nation
has gone so far beyond being merely complicated. But even the Sandusky story
was done so not to really delve into the meat and potatoes of a society so
obsessed with sexual desire and lust built into a culture through media, but to
simply expose a criminal. And while that exposure was of the utmost importance
not just to right the wrongs of sins against our children, but to hopefully
prevent such future abuses, little was done to dig deeper. A pervert was
caught, a pervert was jailed, and some media people became famous in their
exposure if the pervert. Then it all went away.</div>
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Therein lay the problem with not just sports media, but
media in general. We are so busy looking for stories, that we create little
one-liners for television guest appearances and do so very little to do more
than expose a nasty truth. We do not dig into why we have let a nation built on
strong principles and brilliant ideology devolve into such a ball of mass
confusion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sports is a window into the soul of individuals and society
as a whole. As I write this piece today, I am bombarded mentally by the image
of a former six time All-Pro NFL defensive back pleading out and accepting nine
more years for drugging and raping women all across the nation. I write this in
the shadows of concussion lawsuits and suicides of once great athletes. There
are plenty of articles detailing the demise of the players, the cover-up by the
leagues, and the lack of proper care. Yet there is still little information, little
satire, and far too little social criticism focused on the culture that created
this monster.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is like we are afraid; afraid that if we discuss in
satirical nature why this monster exists, that the write structure will crumble
and that which we love will suddenly fade into oblivion. The truth is that I am
a sports fan, and specifically a football fan. I am not fearful that the sport
will entirely disappear for several reasons. Firstly, I don’t think that
anything I or any other writer puts in paper or cyberspace will destroy the
game. If the game is to be destroyed, it will happen from within. When deaths
begin to occur with regularity, not deaths after completion of a career, but
actual in-game deaths, when those begin to occur, the sport itself will implode
rapidly. Secondly, there is a life outside of sports. If all competitive sports
were to be decreed illegal tomorrow, there would be no loss in my ultimate
lifestyle. Life would move forward. I would have more free time in which I
could read literature, explore the world around me, or even just do yardwork.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So this is the beginning, but it is really just another step
in the metamorphosis of a man. I was a boy once, and in many ways, I have
always been that little boy. I stumbled onto some interesting tidbits of
information that others found to be worthy of print. I wrote a story once about
the recruitment of a young man, the lies that were told, and the misperceptions
that were extolled to sell stories. Many members of media discredited me
straight away because I was not a journalist in their minds. If by journalist
they were referring to someone who attended journalism school, worked for a
traditional news gathering organization, and received a paycheck for his
services, well, they were correct. However, if a <b>journalist</b> is defined
as a person who collects, writes, or distributes <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/News" title="News">news</a> or other current <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Information" title="Information">information</a>,
then I along with many others who have done similar stories, could have been
considered a journalist. But, again, I am talking about sports. This is not
rocket science. But do not turn away, because while the individualistic concept
of sport is not life altering, it is a mirror into the soul of a society and it
is that mirror which I will explore throughout the season.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, this mirror was also provided into my own personal
soul. Through the process of writing the original story and 6then developing my
own brand of writing covering sports, it awakened the child who used to love to
read and write. Maybe some will refer to this as a beast, but I refer to it as
the beast within, and that is a good thing. It allows me to expand those things
which had become a hindrance in life to becoming a breakthrough.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is interesting to me as I approach this project and the
upcoming football season is that I am once again threatened by a potential loss
of status. Writing has become a participation sport where not only is my
reliability as a writer, one who has never missed a deadline or not written a
story when it was important; a writer who has always been willing to cover
where needed for the site; that is no longer enough as my spot has been
threatened for more message board participation. Sure, it is a goal really to
have me re-engage with my readers, something I am remiss has faltered over the
last two years for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is my
burgeoning desire to expand my thoughts beyond one page articles about football
branching into writing literary fiction novels. That has created a huge
restriction on what time I have available to post and respond to some of the
inane off-season banter that surrounds college football. It is that very lack
of conversational whimsy that has my presence among other writers feeling
threatened. And it is from that position that I begin the journey that is the
2015 football season.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Along this path, I will write football stories, and I will
write deeper commentary on those stories. The journey will be unique to me as I
capture the feeling of this season removed from my own self-imposed purgatory.
Will I be back in the booth this year? Or will I be banished to my old seats in
section 36? Only time will tell the full answer. And along the way,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will share that experience.</div>
<br />Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-37357515112455572992014-12-16T22:24:00.002-08:002017-05-03T20:42:20.705-07:00Chapter XV-Love and Marriage<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div align="center" style="line-height: 120%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Randall and Mary followed through on their promise. Feeling as if the
trip would be a waste if I did not learn more about the hero of the tales
related to us by our tour guides. There were too many sites to discuss
individually. Suffice it to say that the trip was certainly one in which the
mere existence of our consciousness was dwarfed by the higher planes at which
others seemed to live their lives.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This couple I had found the inspiration to use as my own personal tour
guides within the tour were just one such couple. Amazed by their ostensibly
higher plane of existence, I was desperate for the secret of their successes.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“There is no secret,” they had both uttered simultaneously when
questioned about what it was that made their marriage look stronger than a
towering redwood. With roots deeper than even the most tangled evergreen shrub,
it appeared that no one would ever be able to tear them apart. I had heard the
words ‘let no man tear asunder’ countless times and yet it always seemed
trivial; a fallacy created by mankind as a method of controlling us through
guilt. Yet here were two people living the phrase.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“People think there is some magic potion or trick to make a marriage
strong and to make it last. The only magic trick? Work. Ease in marriage is
just like ease in a magic show; it’s all just an illusion. There is nothing
easy about marriage. We work hard every day. At the end of the day, though, we
know we love each other.” </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“And that makes all the difference,” said Mary to her husband’s mini lecture.
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Neither of our parents had the perfect marriage. Randy’s divorced when
he was young and there was a lot of animosity between them. My parents fought
frequently, but never yelled. It was amazing as a teenager to watch them
resolve their conflicts without anger or name-calling.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“I think that is the nail on the head right there Mary. Name-calling.
When you call the person who you are supposed to love more than anything
outside of God, you diminish their worth. It seems almost insignificant when
you tell your wife she is acting like a bitch, but it tears just a little piece
of her soul away and eventually, you are left with a woman whose soul has been
stripped and the man who destroyed her. There is no love left. Just pain.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Even for the non-religious, a marriage can be near perfect. You don’t
have to believe in a God, be a Christian or any other religion to have a strong
marriage. Now, we believe that God makes everything better-including
marriage-but that does not mean that a marriage cannot work without Him.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“I had been raised not only in a Godless home, for the most part, but
also a home in which name-calling was the only method of communication that
seemed to exist. No wonder I had never really learned much about successful
marriage,” I thought to myself. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I debated internally, though, how much of this was true. Mary and Randy
had been very open about their experiences, but they seemed more like the fairy
tale you see on television or the movies. It appeared fake; unnatural.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Despite my distrust in their honesty, they continued to counsel me
throughout our journey. They talked to me about the Bible and Jesus. Answered
my myriad questions and were a phenomenal resource for information on this
trip. Where I had gone on prior soul searching trips had led me further astray
from understanding myself, I finally felt I had learned a little bit more about
what it was I was lacking. Unfortunately, I did not entirely believe I could
ever find the inner peace each of this unique couple had found. They seemed as
if they were at peace as individuals as well as a couple. If something were to
happen to one, the other would be totally at peace with life as he or she would
come to know.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I doubt I would have the kind of inner peace to handle tragedy like I
believed they would.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The two made an intriguing couple. Had an outsider looked on, there is no
circumstance under which anyone would have envisioned this particular pairing.
Mary looked as if she had been a cheerleader in a different life. Years had
added some light padding to her hips, but the smile and the eyes painted the
picture of someone whose spirit and enthusiasm were never diminished. She
looked as if a typical girl next door whose beauty was deeper than a facial
expression or dress size.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Randy, would not be mistaken for any high school football hero. Barely
taller than Mary, he was thinset with thick glasses and a receding hairline. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Both were exceedingly nice to any and all who took the time to say hello.
Their personality was as if a sugar cookie had come to life and become human.
Almost sickeningly sweet, it seemed there was never a negative uttered from
their lips or entering their minds. They did not yet have children, but had
that feeling around them as if children were not just a necessity, but
something which was an inevitability. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I had seen families like this when I was younger. Religious and loving
almost to a fault, I always felt that they were fictitious characters whose
reality was hidden inside some dark secret closet which they had not yet opened
but existed nonetheless. Maybe that was not skepticism as much as disgust. Why
is it that there are so many children stuck inside a world of fear and anger?
Why is it that some of us have to go through this kind of torture. What did I
do wrong?</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I secretly began to doubt the legitimacy of their love. No one could have
this much harmony and peace in a life full of confusion.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Despite those doubts, though, I continued to acquiesce to their tutoring
in the intricacies of the Christian religion and their marriage. Mary had been
the kind of woman who, in high school, I would have practically worshipped. How
in the world did someone with so many obvious physical flaws find a way to make
someone who was every man’s dream love him so unconditionally? It made little
sense to me. I had spent so many years becoming what I was expected to become.
I had graduated high school, college and graduate school. I had multiple
degrees and money in the bank, I treated serious girlfriends as if they were
the empress of the universe practically worshiping their every movement but had
made a few mistakes that had led me into a world of lovelessness and
loneliness. I had loved unconditionally, with the exception of an inability to
forgive an incestuous relationship with the one woman who had actually been
able to tolerate me for longer than a few dates. I had always been told that
women liked a man who treated them with respect and trust, but had found the
opposite to be true. The worse I treated women, up to a very fine line, the
more that they seemed to desire my presence. There was a sort of hypocrisy in
what I had been told and what I had experienced. Meeting Mary and Randy had
told me that there was some sort of truth out there which I had yet to see
first-hand. It is something I longed for more than words could express. It
seemed illusory to me, however.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Yes, life could be confusing, but the reality seemed to be that Mary and
Randy had overcome the confusion. As we wandered through the footsteps of
Jesus, I continued to be fascinated with the purity and depth of not just their
love for each other, but their genuine compassion for a man whom they had just
met. I was nothing to them, just a random stranger passing through their lives
like a gust of wind through the leaves of the mighty oak, I would be forgotten
within mere moments. Despite this transitory existence in the consciousness of
a strange couple thousands of miles from home, I was accepted in their minds as
someone who was worthwhile not because of anything other than my mere existence.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“He really is a lost soul isn’t he?” Mary would later ask Randy.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“I don’t know about lost. I think he is more of a confused soul. He just
has no clue who he is supposed to be or what it is that defines a person. Look
at the way he dresses. He has what looks to be normal clothes, jeans, tee-shirt
and tennis shoes. Did you notice the watch though?”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Not really.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Rolex. Noticing that, I paid a little more attention. Designer
everything. Money is how he seems to define himself. He is worried about what
people think of him and he covers his insecurities with expensive goods
thinking that will be enough to make people like him. Maybe liking him is not
really the goal, but he wants people to know that he has money.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Interesting, I never really made that connection. But he did seem to
make it really important that we know he is a lawyer.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Not just a lawyer, a corporate lawyer. He seemed to feel there was a
difference. Like because he doesn’t chase ambulances he is somehow better than
other types of lawyers.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%; margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mary and Randy had been able to get to the heart of Brian’s character
with very little effort. While he considered himself complex and mysterious,
the couple he had happened upon during the early phases of this trip, saw
through his subterfuge and straight to the core; shallow and transparent, Brian
Jefferson wasn’t just a lost soul he was an empty soul.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The Robinson’s were not well acquainted with emptiness. Despite the
animosity which surrounded the divorce of his own mother and father, Randy had
learned compassion and dignity from his mother. Acrimonious at the beginning,
his parent’s divorce had subsided to normalcy within two years. Randy’s father
had been a raging alcoholic. After a particularly ugly incident away from his
family, treatment had made him much more aware of the caustic nature of his
personality. While it would never be enough to create reconciliation from a
marital perspective, it would at least create a sense of amity between the
mother and father. Seeing his father struggle to maintain sobriety had led
Randy to his tea-totaling lifestyle.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mary had grown to truly adore both of her in-laws and immensely respected
the elder Robinson for his ability to overcome a demon she deemed straight from
the heart of Satan himself in such a courageous manner.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">She had never experienced the amount of familial strife which had
practically encompassed her future husband’s life, but she seemed to have a
deep compassion for those less fortunate. When she met him, she was immediately
drawn to him as a nurturer. That is a character trait which had been passed down
from her mother. Being raised with seven siblings as the oldest creates a sense
of nurturing as well, and Mary was someone who could feel like a sister or
mother given the right circumstance.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">She had been inexperienced in matters of the heart and was not shy about
her purity. Nor was she ashamed. She took great pride in her faithfulness to
God and her purity in His eyes. Not everyone can approach life with the kind of
zealous clarity which had encompassed Mary’s heart and mind, but she made it
seem natural. </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Well, let’s make sure we continue to pray for him,” Mary said. “God put
us with him for a reason and I think it is really important that we take this
signal from Him to help Brian come to the Truth.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Absolutely. At the very least, Brian might see a sense of harmony which
could inspire him to a different life. I think, though, that we need to get a
little more personal, more in-depth, with him. I think he is more than lost and
more than confused. We need to find out which area of life that he struggles with.
Clearly self-identity is at the core, but it just seems like something else is
going on with him.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%; margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>*</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The next morning, as we ascended Mt. Sinai, it started to become clear to
me that I had become their project. Our conversations up to this point had been
pretty generic with me asking a bunch of questions about their belief system,
the specifics about Jesus and the Bible, how they seemed to be so content with
each other. This had all seemed pretty innocuous to me, but as they asked me
more questions which were increasingly personal, I began to be uncomfortable.
They were trying to save me and I was not sure that there was anything to save.
Change maybe, but save was a stretch. I wanted to be a better person, but yet I
also wanted to maintain as much of myself as possible. There was nothing really
wrong with my sexual nature just the manner in which I had allowed it to
manifest itself. Sex was okay, as long as I was not engaging in behavior that
could endanger my health and welfare. I felt judgment coming and that was too
difficult for me to accept at this point. I decided that the time seemed right
to challenge their moral superiority complex with the challenging task of
debating sexual mores in society.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Well, the truth is, Brian, that the reason so many marriages fail is
directly correlated to the complete misperception surrounding love, sex and
marriage. First of all, Jesus tells us that to look at someone else with lust
is to commit adultery, yet men and women do it every day. Why do you think they
do this? That was really a rhetorical question, they do it because society has
encouraged it.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">That’s right, society encourages lust. They tell you not to act on that
lust, but that it is okay of you do. What kind of message is that?</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Reality says that when you look at a woman in a sexual manner, you have
already committed acts with her that would not be acceptable to a girlfriend.
Why is it that when a woman catches the man looking, he denies it? If there is
nothing wrong with it, why does he hide what he was thinking? Why? Because he
knows it is wrong.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I rebutted “But the people I know are comfortable enough with their
sexuality to admit when they find another person attractive. Isn’t it good to
be comfortable enough with each other to admit to being human?”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Randy entered the conversation at this point. “Admitting someone is
attractive and imagining her having sex with you are two very different things,
Brian. We all know what attractiveness is, and it is normal to think another
person is pretty, or has a pretty smile, or pretty eyes. But the moment you
take something pure and of God, like a smile or pretty eyes, and turn it into
something of Satan by imagining sex, looking at her with lust rather than
appreciation, by making her an object whose sole purpose in existence is to
satisfy your sexual urges, you have made her nothing. You have made yourself
nothing and you have put Satan above God. There is no way you can truly love
someone who you have turned into an object of Satan.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Sex is completely healthy and natural, when it is part of a deeply
spiritual an intimate relationship. The moment it becomes anything less, it
begins the destruction of not just the mind, but also the heart and eventually
the soul.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">They were convinced of their rightness. It was almost smug and it began
to anger me. No. not anger. I was becoming pissed. They had insulted everything
I knew. I don’t know that they understood this, but it sure felt like they were
being purposely disrespectful. Yet they did not stop.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Some people talk about having sex as a method to ensure compatibility.
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard,” said Mary. “The two are wholly
unrelated. Sex is an important component of marriage, but it is not what being
married is about. Someday, we will be ninety years old and sex will be a
virtual impossibility. Does that mean we stop loving each other? Does it mean
that we are no longer compatible? Of course not.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Unfortunately, so many people nowadays are so captivated by the idea of
‘test driving’ a car as it relates to sexual relations that they have no clue
what true intimacy is all about.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">While I had been tuning out much of their intent, there was something
about this line of conversation that drew me in closer. I had become their
mentee and this was their chance to make an impact on the world. I did not
really care what Jesus said about sex, nor what any or all churches said about
sex, but I was curious where they were headed.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Brian, do you know why married couples struggle with their identity as a
sexual couple and end up cheating on each other?” Randy asked.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I actually had no clue. The fact that the concept of a marriage based on
love started when we as humans had a relatively shorter life span had convinced
me that the issue had more to do with life expectancy than any character flaw
of the individuals involved. So I simply muttered a caustic “nope.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Well, let me tell you. It all boils down to this. When a man or woman
has been promiscuous, their mind is cluttered with their own promiscuity. Sex
is a very intimate act between two people. Whether we want it to be or not is
irrelevant. It simply is. Mary and I were both virgins when we met and we
maintained that status until our wedding.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Do you know what the promiscuous people see in their mind when they try
to become intimate? They see every partner they have ever been with. They
imagine themselves in a different time and place. They fantasize about everyone
but the person they are with. How on earth is that considered intimacy? It’s
not.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Do you know what Mary and I see when we are together. Each other. No one
else. We see, we feel, we experience each other. There is no other and that is
our intimacy.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Well, that is kind of depressing,” I responded. “That means that anyone
who is not a virgin can never attain intimacy? That sounds more like the moral
superiority that so many Americans are frustrated with when being preached to.
We are all, as Jesus said, sinners. The level of sin or seriousness of that sin
should matter none. We should be able to experience the same kind of love and
intimacy as you despite our past transgressions and moral defect. Sounds to me
like this is just a way to elevate some people above others and create a
permanent divide.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Not at all.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I thought to myself as I said this that it would be some sort of atom
bomb of guilt laid upon them. It seemed to me that calling out the hypocrisy in
their belief system would create a stop to the conversation, but they had more
to say.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Exactly Mary. Who says that a person cannot have intimacy simply because
they have been promiscuous? What I was saying came out wrong if that is the way
you took it. Yes, promiscuous people see their past partners; their imagination
and fantasy can control them and destroy true intimacy. But, and this is
important. That does not mean the person who used to be promiscuous cannot
overcome his past transgressions and have a healthy relationship. It is
difficult, but it can be done.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This had been a great diversion as we ascended and then descended Mt.
Sinai.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Our conversations were not always as contentious as this. Most of the
time, it was light and airy. I asked questions about the Bible and the
Robinsons graciously answered. We shared dinners and talked in the evenings.
This trip had offered me something my previous, considerably shorter excursion
had failed to do, a chance to really forget about all my troubles.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Sure, there were times when those things came to the forefront of my mind
as I discussed the depth of life with the Robinsons of Iowa, but the serious quickly
faded to the recesses of my mind each night. I had chosen the five star package
which allowed me to stay in nice hotels all along the tour. I took full
advantage. Randy and Mary were usually off to their room for reading and prayer
shortly after dinner. Me? I stayed at the bar and had a drink or two each
night. The good thing about spending so much time in talk about topics as deep
and spiritual as I had ever done, I began to ignore the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>constant opportunity that surrounded me.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In the past, I would have seen women from a foreign land as a new ideal.
Something to be entranced by and lust for at night. At the moment, though, I
practically disregarded their presence and absorbed myself in thought. The
hotels all had wi-fi and I continued to read my Dummies look at the Bible. I
even downloaded a copy of the Bible and tried to find references to each of our
stops along this journey.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 120%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As we traversed the desert through the wilderness, the Dead Sea, Galilee
and culminating with an extended tour of Jerusalem and all the wonders the
ancient city, holy to more than a single religion and the center of modern
controversy for decades, I began to consider the Robinsons almost as an
extension of my family. It is difficult to not add someone to your life when
that much time is spent together in such a deep and meaningful experience. I
was thankful for their constant presence around me as the stirrings inside my
body were still nearly constant. Every woman became a new fantasy, but the
inundation in a religious experience kept those fantasies at bay. For the first
time in quite some time, I had not assented to the lustful feelings that arose
with every exotic woman. Even the non-exotic women we ran across each had their
own beauty that kept the non-stop movie theater that my brain had become
rolling mental imagery that would have made the Robinsons blush and hide in
shame. In fact, if they knew the truth of my obsessions with just about every
woman we saw, they may have run back to their room to pray; not for me as they
would have considered me a lost cause, but for their own souls for having been
so close to a man so consumed with sexual passions that every waking moment
seemed to provide fantasy fodder. They kept me as stable as I had been. I did
not seem to be able to turn off my brain, but at least I could stop the fantasy
from pushing the rest of me into fulfillment. </span><br />
<br />
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Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-49408807447735878422014-12-13T23:16:00.001-08:002014-12-13T23:16:35.837-08:00Marcus Mariota and the Heisman Moment<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I want to say some things about a night of Oregon history.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I consider myself fortunate and blessed to have been
afforded the opportunity to spend time covering the Oregon Ducks for Duck
Sports Authority. I have had many roles within sports and been affored many,
many great opportunities. I am blessed in so many ways.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Watching the announcement this evening, even though it was
something I expected, took me back. In 2010, when the Ducks beat Oregon State
and were guaranteed the spot in the National Championship Game, emotions were
strong for me. That night was special and I celebrated with a bottle of cognac.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As a kid, I moved to Oregon in 1972. I remember the year
because it was a year of considerable turmoil nationally. Richard Nixon.
Vietnam War on television every night. We drove from New Jersey to Oregon and
it was a long trip; sleeping in our car. The most memorable part of that trip
was our dog Winston (coincidentally, the Pekingese was officially named “Sir
Winston Churchill” but we called him “Winnie” as in “Winnie the Pooh”) freaked
out one night just outside of Chicago. Turns out he saw a field mouse –
something he had never before encountered. Well, when you have three young boys
and their mother sleeping in a station wagon, that was enough to pretty much
scare the bejeezus out of anyone!</div>
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<br /></div>
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We lived in Oakridge that year. It was not long after that I
discovered Oregon football on a scratchy radio station. I was hooked. When we
moved to the Eugene area in seventh grade, Saturdays were cheap and easy. My
brother Craig and I went to countless games. I used to keep those old cups from
Autzen with the final scores of the games. I kept the programs. I remember
going down on the field and playing catch with guys like Reggie Ogburn and
Reggie Brown.</div>
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<br /></div>
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In those days, just being in the stadium, watching those
guys play, that was enough. I loved football then and have never really lost
touch with that feeling. I was within feet of where the USC receiver did (not)
catch the touchdown in the 7-7 tie. I sat in countless miserable games,
including the toilet bowl.</div>
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<br /></div>
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When I went off to boot camp, I did what I could to catch
whatever information I could about Oregon football. When I wore my Duck
sweatshirt, no one even knew where Oregon was at that time.</div>
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<br /></div>
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To think back now about all those Saturdays, when we would
be at the 50 yard line by half time; it seems like a dream to think about what
has transpired over the past 20 years.</div>
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<br /></div>
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In 1994, when the Ducks were making their first improbable
run, I had just separated from my first wife. My mom and I took a trip down to
Susanville together with my two sons Layne and Braden to visit my older brother
Ed. While the kids were outside playing, we had joined them most of the day. Then
the Husky game came on. Ed and I were glued to the set. I remember my mom
asking why we were watching the game. She said “they aren’t going to beat
Washington.” Within moments of that statement, a young freshman cornerback
stepped in front of a Damon Huard pass and the rest was history. Ed and I
jumped almost in unison arms raised.</div>
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<br /></div>
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At that moment, it was hard to imagine anything better.
Oregon had beaten the Huskies. Later that season they would go on to the Rose
Bowl. Penn State was simply the best team that season despite the rankings. It
seemed like the difference between the two was a mile wide gulf.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Now? The Ducks have been to a National Championship Game.
Won a Rose Bowl. Those are fleeting moments, though, compared to tonight.
Heisman. Trophy. Winner. Those are words that had not even been considered for
an Oregon player prior to 2007. And it seemed like fate would step in the path
of that possibility every time it seemed a reality.</div>
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<br /></div>
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There is only one thing left to achieve. For the moment,
though, nothing else matters. To be able to cover the Ducks during this time of
brilliance has been a pleasure. I have been around many great athletes in my
life. I went to high school with some tremendous athletes. I worked for the
Eugene Ems for two seasons, one of our players there would go on to lead the
American League in hitting one year. I met so many track stars I cannot even
count.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of those athletes had class and dignity. And yet there
is something about Marcus Mariota that is above and beyond simple class and dignity.
His humility is transcendent – it makes you want to be a better person. To see
his speech take the commentators to tears is telling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I congratulate Marcus Mariota on his accomplishment. But the
real congratulations belong to Toa Mariota and his wife Allana. It is their skill
which has brought this man to the pinnacle of college football.</div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-44283474510592232012014-12-01T20:43:00.002-08:002014-12-01T20:43:49.991-08:00Hiding in the minutiae of specifics<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
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<br />
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So I am only going to say this... both sides of this debate
are oversimplifying the complicated issues that this case exposed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, the facts are pretty clear; Mike Brown committed a
crime; he stole five dollars worth of cigarillos. When confronted, he was
disrespectful and then attempted to engage in a scuffle with Officer Wilson and
he was shot with a graze wound to his hand in the struggle. After that
struggle, he took off running and the officer gave chase continuing to fire. I
have little issue with this as it is standard protocol; a suspect attempted to
steal the officers gun, and I am pretty sure his intent was not to diffuse the
situation by stealing the gun.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The evidence also points out, however, that the fatal bullet
entered Brown from the top of the head in a downward trajectory. We know this
was not at close range, but it is still a fact that Brown’s head was lower than
the gun when he was shot with the fatal bullet. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the truth is that these are simply the facts of an
individual case and, while media pundits on both sides of the argument want to
make this a single case issue, it is not. Oh, sure, those that are interviewed
and willing to talk are the ones who do so in a manner that does not do justice
to what the true issue is: long term institutional racism that DOES exist
whether we want to accept it or not.<br />
<br />
Last week I did a little article about this case and pointed out that the media
is a main culprit in our interpretation of events. There are approximately
37,500 arrests every single day in America. My point then was that every day in
America there are 37,125 arrests made without incident or police abuse. And
where is the news reporting this very good number? Non existent. However, if
FBI statistics are to be believed approximately one percent of arrests contain
excessive force and police brutality that is criminal in nature. One percent
sounds small… but of 37,500 that means that every single day 375 people have
excessive force/brutality used against them. That is unacceptable.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The vast majority of people who have this excessive force or brutality used
against them are minorities. That is just a fact that we can no longer ignore; except
right now the media is creating its own racial divide to keep us on the same
path that we say we want to get away from. Any instance of police abuse is
unacceptable… 375 is beyond intolerable.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rams players are American citizens, as such, they have
every right to raise their arms in protest of a system they feel is broken. Their
employer, if they so choose, can punish them for doing so in the fashion they
did, but the NFL has decided not to… who are we to question their choice of the
right to free speech? That is part of the problem. We look at the evidence from
our own perspective and tell others that they do not have a right to their
feelings? I do not know what it is like to grow up black in America. I was
raised in one of the whitest states in the nation. I have no clue what it feels
like to feel as if no one cares about what happens to us in my community. But I
do know that “DWB” is real. I have seen it in action and it is abominable that
in 2014 we still condone this with arguments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The media does not actually want to talk about the true
issues. They have advertisers to please and their programs are produced to
appeal to specific demographics to keep those advertising dollars flowing. The
community of Ferguson is one we will never be able to understand as we do not
live there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last week was a ridiculous version of manufactured consent
gone wild. Rioting and looting simply to take advantage of what COULD have been
a real game changer. Instead, all we did was watch as two groups of people
further distanced themselves from each other and further entrenched the racial
divide that exists in this nation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need to stop arguing about this one case and create a
dialogue about the REAL problems. As long as we allow ourselves to be consumed
by the minutiae of this individual case, there will be no growth in the
dialogue that needs to happen. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Fear mongering is alive and well in this case. We are kept in fear to avoid an
ugliness just under the surface. There is an ugliness few want to accept or
face, so they change the conversation.</div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-37365570112821317092014-11-25T16:34:00.002-08:002015-02-28T11:42:28.913-08:00Let The Sunshine In<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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November 24, 2014, was a tragic day in history; not just American
history, but world history. And I say this for reasons other than what most
want to paint as the tragedy. First of all, a young man lost his life far too
soon and that is always a tragedy regardless of the circumstances. I have known
young men that died in car wrecks, of cancer, in battle and due to senseless
violence. All loss of life is tragic, but that is only the beginning of my
sadness.</div>
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<br /></div>
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We all heard the announcement and some chose to single out
one or two pieces of information that supported our pre-conceived notions as to
the truth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a writer, I felt compelled to share my feelings today regarding
this tragic moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wish that this day did not have to happen, but maybe, just
maybe it can bring a bit of change. Unfortunately, change does not happen
through destruction and violence, especially senseless violence. Lost in the mass
confusion last November is that many of the looters in Ferguson were out of
towners. Ferguson residents should be furious that their town was destroyed by
people who came looking for an excuse to steal and destroy. We hear from many
of our neighbors that there is justified anger at the centuries of
institutional racism that stacks the deck against minorities. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And you know, there should be anger at institutional racism.
It exists and it is deplorable. But to tear down your own community does not
combat racism, it intensifies racism. Wait? What? On that tragic night, members of racist
groups across America were watching television and laughing because the actions
of a few are tainting the image of a whole. Racist groups were sitting around saying
“see, what did I tell you.” When you react in a way that engenders stereotypes,
you give the power of your voice away forever.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are real problems that can be dealt with, but violence
will only beget more violence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a Facebook friend who posed the question should we
start with how the Grand Jury was selected. After all, there were nine white
people and just three black people on a grand jury? This problem would seem
simple, but there are many layers to why a jury might not be proportionate to
the population. In St. Louis County, though, this is actually a representative
jury. According to the U.S. Census data from 2013, St. Louis County is a
population that is 70.3 percent white and 23.7 percent black with the other six percent comprised of other ethnicities. That means a two-thirds white jury is
fairly representative in that county.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a deeper underlying problem with juries, though,
and that is one of self-selection. How many of us have dodged jury duty with
excuses? That is part of the problem. How many of us cannot afford to perform
this civic duty because our jobs will not pay for our time away? If we cannot
afford to miss a day of work, we are missing the opportunity to make a
difference. So, to my friend I said, yes, I think that the laws should be changed;
the laws should make it feasible for everyone to serve on jury duty, not just
those people who can afford it. And I think that jury duty should be a
requirement of all citizens at some point in their lives. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More to think about is the manner in which media presented
this story. From the very beginning, the media were playing us all. This story
was manufactured to create more stories. Had the media told us everything, had
they sought out witnesses rather than manipulating us with half facts and
innuendo, maybe the reaction would have been different. All along the media had
led us to believe that white witnesses were saying one thing and African
American witnesses the opposite.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The truth? There were multiple African American witnesses who corroborated
Officer Wilson’s story. This was never a tale of two races, it was a tale of
differing agendas. Manufacturing consent is a powerful concept to which far too
many of us turn a blind eye. We listen to whatever media outlet we like and we
nod along like zombies; sheep. The media made us believe that multiple
autopsies came to multiple different conclusions. Again, not true. The media
made us believe that there were multiple shots fired into the back of the
deceased. Not true. Those omitted facts skewed the story and they skewed the
perception.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was not there, I cannot say definitively what happened.
But the witnesses that were there whose statements matched the actual physical
evidence are a far better barometer of the truth than what media has portrayed.
I can say that what I have read paints a far different picture than what the
media presented.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stop listening blindly to the media. Contrary to popular
opinion, they are not there to present facts. Their purpose is to make money.
They are a business. They make money from advertising. They get more
advertisers when we watch their broadcasts. And those broadcasts are
intentionally created in a specific manner to generate profits. It is not news;
it is entertainment. Let the anger subside for a moment and read the facts
before jumping to a conclusion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have often heard it said that teachers have the most difficult
job. I disagree. Theirs may be the most unappreciated job, but it is not the
most difficult. Every day, police officers put on their uniform with the
knowledge that they may die. They may get shot in the line of duty. Police
officers like Chris Kilkullen in Eugene, Oregon, shot for no reason. Every day someone
commits “suicide by cop” somewhere. It happened last November here in
Beaverton. Every day, police have to make life and death decisions. And, once
again, also contrary to popular opinion, they are human beings. When a
situation becomes life and death, they still have the same physiological
response as the rest of humanity. No matter how much training they receive,
their adrenaline gets moving just as ours does.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When being attacked by a 300 pound man, the adrenaline is
sure to be pumping. Do I think that there could have been a better response?
Yes. But I also know some basics about life:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Don’t steal</li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>When approached by a police officer, do not
reach in through his car window and start punching him</li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Do not run away when told to stop</li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Do not turn back around and start charging the
officer again. </li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Doing these things puts you at risk of a police officer
making that choice. Take the choice away. Does this mean I am saying that Mike
Brown deserved to die? Of course not. It means that every choice we make can
have a major effect on our lives. Take accountability for our mistakes without
making it a battle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are plenty of opportunities in today’s world to make
situations such as this easier to understand. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>GoPro cameras are an incredible tool that should
be used in all contacts with suspects and the community.</li>
<li>Stop making up statistics. I have seen people
try to bandy about numbers that simply are not accurate. There are bad cops,
but it is considerably less than the 10 percent number people seem to love.
Statistics show that the rate of “bad” cops is less than 1 percent. And that is somewhat accurate.</li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Recognize how the media is manipulating you.
When is the last time the news anchor came on and said that “there were 37,500
arrests today where the officers acted appropriately."</li>
<li>That’s right, in America there are 37,500 arrests every
single day. And the vast majority of them do NOT involve police brutality and
even fewer involve shootings. There is no acceptable level of police abuse of power.
But that does not mean that “all cops are bad” and it does not mean that we
cannot get better in America.</li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anger and rhetoric will only advance our society if we use
it properly. There is racism and that should anger every single American. We
SHOULD be angry. But destroying property? Killing cops? How in the world does
that get us anywhere?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Calling each other names because our conclusions are different? How does that
get us anywhere? This is not dialogue.<br />
<br />
This nation was formed on a basic philosophical premise of liberty. Liberty means
that we have the freedom to choose our actions, but, and this is important, we
only have that right as long as the use of that right does not deprive another
person of his rights. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stop yelling at each other. Start listening. When everyone
is yelling, no one is speaking and no one is listening.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the immortal words of Pebbles and Bamm Bamm:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mommy told me
something a little kid should know.<br />
It's all about the devil and I've learned to hate him so.<br />
She said he causes trouble when you let him in the room.<br />
He will never ever leave you if your heart is filled with gloom.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-4853601068403457232014-09-19T22:28:00.001-07:002014-09-24T22:30:23.979-07:00Middle of Nothing-It is here!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDmhOCuJzaY6kxfPVQuZnuGpm5uVnfUgISqWlph40xSDNZ0nrN7A_8eMfvXaQ3slzJ-eHvfXQ1j9vv8efsbw6VBXmC-oGGXz-0J8DMCwe6gaTNmSxsbDfDrYhMAb5CFF4whyphenhyphenJIEjUpSkQ/s1600/cover2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDmhOCuJzaY6kxfPVQuZnuGpm5uVnfUgISqWlph40xSDNZ0nrN7A_8eMfvXaQ3slzJ-eHvfXQ1j9vv8efsbw6VBXmC-oGGXz-0J8DMCwe6gaTNmSxsbDfDrYhMAb5CFF4whyphenhyphenJIEjUpSkQ/s1600/cover2.jpg" /></a></div>
Coming soon, the first novel from <u><i><b>Scott Reed</b></i></u>. A must read story that will leave you breathless and challenge everything you thought you knew.<br />
<br />
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<br />
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
had everything most people would consider worthwhile yet there was a gnawing
feeling of nothingness inside the mind and soul of Brian Jefferson.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
dark tale of one man’s philosophical journey, MIDDLE OF NOTHING begins with
Brian Jefferson on a brief excursion of rediscovery. Originally intending to drive
from Seattle to the Oregon Coast, he finds himself wandering into Idaho.</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After
spending his first night in Idaho with a prostitute, he discovers a darker side
of his personality and devolves into levels of sexual depravity that disturb
his core self, yet he cannot seem to escape.. Told without the necessity for
excessive graphic detail, his adventures create a deepening moral divide within
his mind. While attempting to avoid too many graphic depictions, the reality is
that the character falls into sexual compulsions that begin to define him.</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Looking
to escape, he goes north to a small lake to spend a few days and finds his mind
further fueled by compulsion. He returns to Seattle and devolves into the
indifferent sexual compulsive.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As
he continues to strive for a better understanding of his own history and how to
escape that which he has become, he learns some disturbing things about nearly
everyone he comes in contact with as well as dark family secrets that threaten
to destroy him. He has great work, but struggles with the demons in his
personal life; demons that seem to grow and deepen as he learns more.</span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Along
the way he will marry once, thinking she is the difference that will turn him,
only to find out that his compulsions have fueled her own devolvement. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>
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Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-15717134049529953282014-09-09T19:04:00.000-07:002014-09-09T19:04:12.894-07:00Media whores and faux indignationSeriously? How many of the "reporters" and I use that term very loosely, are truly outraged? None. They are nothing more than attention whores who are using one ugly incident to raise their profile. Using a victim to make themselves sound like "heroes." Instead they are all garbage. Every single one of the media whores posting endlessly about what "must" be done and who all "must" pay.<br />
<br />
Every single one of those faux reporters that writes their "outrage" over this incident are the worst kind of hypocrite imaginable.<br />
<br />
They are not outraged at all. In fact, none of them care. They are nothing better than TMZ and TMZ is nothing more than The National Enquirer on television. It is nothing more than an attempt to suck people into a world of lurid nothingness and it is as despicable as what happened to Janay Rice.<br />
<br />
And, let me make this clear, what happened was despicable. But ask yourself why TMZ went public with the video before going to the NFL or the Baltimore Ravens? How many of you would have gone to their website? Watched their programs? None. You see, these media whores played it all along; they were never concerned for making sure that the right thing, whatever that may have been, was done. They were interested in raising their profile.<br />
<br />
With the specter of this release, they can come out and look like heroes for their objection to anyone and everyone who has been associated with Ray Rice from the moment that he punched and knocked out his fiance. You see, every one of those despicable, disgusting media whores that felt the need to right about their "indignation" were victimizing Janay again.<br />
<br />Should she still be with Ray Rice? Who the hell am I or ANY one of those media scum whores to make that decision? We cannot make that decision, nor should we.<br />
<br />
It is time we stop letting the media dictate our reactions to what is considered socially acceptable and what is not. Did we really need a video of Janay Rice getting knocked out to know what happened? No. But every single one of those media whores pounced on the video like a vulture on a rotting carcass.<br />
<br />
Not a single damn one of you cares about Janay Rice. Not a single damn one of you will ever send a penny to abused women's charities; not a single damn one of you will even consider her name after the media circus passes.<br />
<br />
Ray Rice made a massive mistake and he will definitely pay for his actions. The difference between him and the media whores? He recognizes his mistake and has apologized to everyone for his actions. But the media whores? They'll just move on to the next story like the ghypocritical whores they are.<br />
<br />Manufacturing consent indeed.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-89713952012374428112014-08-25T12:00:00.000-07:002014-08-25T12:00:15.105-07:00Scott's Flock Talk: NFL-Not For Long<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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In the beginning of the Chip Kelly NFL experiment there were
doubters galore. In fact, everyone involved in the food chain that is the NFL
was doubtful that Kelly would succeed. They felt it was simply not going to
work in the NFL.</div>
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To some extent, the doubters were spot on. What Chip Kelly
ran at Oregon and New Hampshire before that would not work in the NFL. What
they failed to see was that Chip Kelly did not run the spread option at Oretgon
because he was trying to force square pegs into round holes. He ran it because
it would work. He understood what it meant to be successful.</div>
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He studied football almost exclusively. There were no wives;
no girlfriends and no children. In short, there were no encumbrances which
would conflate him to one genre or another. He was a football junkie and he
would use his mad scientist skills to change what he did and adapt to the NFL.</div>
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The naysayers simply forgot to look toward New England and
even Buffalo and the Cincinnati Bengals in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s.
The hurry up offense as an entire game plan is not new. The Patriots, under Belichik
and Brady had perfected it in a different way-but it was possible. </div>
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Kelly took the NFL by storm destroying the old adage that
ball control equals winning. Time of possession was not relevant to Kelly or
the Eagles as it had not been to Kelly while at Oregon.</div>
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But there is another truth about the NFL; what the acronym
stands for. First, it officially stands for “National Football League.” But
there are a couple of other ironically accurate meanings. The “No Fun league”
for their propensity to take the joy away from the athletes and turn them into corporate
robots <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>going through the motions. The other
acronym “not for long” typically refers to the life span of a playing career in
the league. It also, though, refers to coaching life span. Not for long.</div>
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If you win, you stay. If you cannot win, someone else will be
the next ‘big thing’ and take your place.</div>
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That’s what concerns me about Kelly’s decision to bring in
Kenjon Barner recently. Kelly has been nothing if not loyal to his former
players. Many times he brings in players he knows are destined for the practice
squad or cut line to help practices be as efficient as possible. And that is
fine. It is a necessary evil and players like Will Murphy probably know what is
going to happen.</div>
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But there is a difference between that player and the
borderline NFL player who may or may not make their prior team. It was a
stretch to take Huff in the draft and many of his moves have been a stretch. As
long as he wins, no one will blink twice. But if he starts losing, his affinity
for stockpiling former Ducks could come back to haunt both he and the Oregon program.
</div>
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The adage pertaining to Oregon by opposing coaches in
recruiting is that the Ducks players could not get to the next level and
succeed. If Kelly cannot help them succeed in Philadelphia, you can be sure
that it will once again be used against Oregon in recruiting. And if Kelly
starts losing more than he wins; does not progress past that barely above .500
record of a season ago, the NFL will mean not for long. </div>
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Kelly is taking a big gamble by hitching his NFL wagon to so
many former Ducks, and if the wheel falls off too soon, it could also derail
the future hopes of the program he took to another level. And that would not be
a good thing.</div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-27786030883269811352014-08-19T06:00:00.002-07:002014-08-19T06:04:21.375-07:00Flock Talk: Reclaiming Dignity<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
Coming out of the closet.<br />
<br />
This is a trend in athletics that has caught many off guard, some not so
much. One thing is for sure, though, that the announcements of high profile
players that they are gay has stirred plenty of debate and commentary across
the board. Some are for the announcements, some against.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://ct.yimg.com/mr/uploads/1065/1339259.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://ct.yimg.com/mr/uploads/1065/1339259.jpg" /></a></div>
The more troubling trend, though, are the naysayers who claim, vociferously,
to not care either way. I know. I was one of those people. As a former college
football player, I didn’t care whether any of the linemen that protected my
quarterback were white, pink, purple, black, straight or gay.<br />
<br />
Then, as I was driving home Thursday night, I asked myself about my own
motives in those protestations. I wondered aloud if the issue is not the
sexuality itself, but how we on the receiving end of the message perceive
its intent.<br />
<br />
Yes, these are football (and basketball) players and all that should matter
is their performance on the field. But then a strange question popped into my
head, and the answer I gave myself showed me why my initial thoughts were
simply wrong. I did not get it, and neither do most.<br />
<br />
When <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Brent
Musberger</span></b> became fascinated, almost creepily, with <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A.J. McCarron’s</span></b>
girlfriend at the time, we were not offended by her picture. In fact, most
‘red-blooded’ American men secretly agreed with Musburger; she was very
beautiful. The football fans, that inner Neanderthal inside us all would have
also called her “hot.” It’s what most men watching thought.<br />
<br />
In other articles inside <i>Sports Illustrated</i> and other sports
journals, many times a question is asked about the players celebrity crush. No
one winces at the answers. No one says “I don’t care” — they do care and they
read and determine what kind of “taste” the player has in women. What if a
player said “Well, I think <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Justin Timberlake</span></b> is hot, he’s my celebrity crush?”<br />
<br />
Honestly, you know what would happen. False protestations voiced everywhere
we can imagine that ‘we don’t care about that stuff.’ Well, we do.<br />
<br />
Further compounding the issue surrounding sexuality in football especially
is the level of machismo that is a part of the football culture. It is thicker
than Alabama mud. When <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Jonathan</span> </b><b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Martin</span></b> exposed the harassment that
had been directed at him, some were appalled, but a majority of people
secretly, some more publicly, ridiculed Martin for not being “tough” he was not
being a “man.” He was called a “sissy” by plenty of people. As children growing
up, anyone who was not able to throw well was said to ‘throw like a girl’ and
was also called a sissy. Being ‘feminine’ had no place on the football field.<br />
<br />
I would like to say that the people talking about Martin in such mannerisms
were the minority, or the uneducated, or just simpleton fans. Unfortunately,
this attitude extended not only to his own team mates but his own coaches, his
own management in the Dolphins front office. Think about those terms for a
minute and let them sink in. His “manhood” was questioned. Even worse, commentators
versed in sports programming were mimicking these thoughts. They perpetuated
the stereotypes. Some of the same commentators who now applaud these
announcements ridiculed Martin’s ‘manhood’ last year.<br />
<br />
So much of football is wrapped in a misogynistic stereotype of masculinity
that it becomes difficult to unravel what is necessary to compete on the field
and what is left over from a different time.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
You say you don’t care. Then why were so many people disgusted when <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Michael Sam</span></b>
kissed his significant other after being drafted? Did anyone respond with that
kind of vile and vulgar disgust when McCarron kissed <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Katherine Webb</span></b>?
Would anyone be upset if <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Marcus Mariota</span></b> named <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Mila Kunis</span></b> as his celebrity
crush if asked? Would anyone say ‘we don’t care’ about that?<br />
<br />
When the Eagles’ <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Riley Cooper</span></b> dropped a specific derogatory racial epithet
last summer, he was roundly criticized as he should have been — his actions and
words were despicable. Had he used that language on a consistent basis during
practice, in the manner which he used it (derogatorily), there would have been
hell to pay in the locker room.<br />
<br />
Now think about a different word. “Faggot.” It is a constant in many places,
especially in the locker room. If you are gay, this word is just as demeaning,
just as derogatory as any racial epithet. A constant reminder that you, as a
gay man in that locker room, are not worthy.<br />
<br />
Sam, <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Jason
Collins</span></b> and now <b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Chip</span> </b><b><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sarafin</span></b> are speaking out, not
because they want you to care about their sexuality, but because they want you
to no longer care about sexuality at all. No longer should they have to hide in
corners keeping their lives a secret, afraid of what people will think.<br />
<br />
The culture inside locker rooms has been far too offensive for far too long.
These announcements are not about sexuality; they are about a changing world, a
changing demographic. The sports world has stuck to the past with the concept
of tradition for many years. Change of any type in sports is fought tooth and
nail by traditionalists. But football and sports are changing.<br />
<br />
I once thought that I did not care about the sexuality of players. I was
wrong. I applaud these men for their courage. They are tired of the negativity.
For football players who happen to be gay, it’s not about sexuality, it is
about dignity. They have reclaimed their own dignity and now have opened up the
world for everyone to reclaim theirs.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-82980644277354653982014-08-15T12:22:00.001-07:002014-08-15T12:22:24.860-07:00Thoughts on the complexity of the endingsSo, I have this thought about the final chapters, I know it is going to be very heavy in dialogue, but the responses will not be typical short answers in dialogues... each of the two characters will respond with lengthy diatribes on their belief... in one exchange, they will have met at around sunrise on morning and will talk throughout the day...<br />
<br />
that much I already knew. I know where the final sequence occurs (not revealing it here, though!) and I have the concept for this person opposite the protagonist (Brian), but I have still yet to decide the exact nature of their relationship...<br />
<br />
So this idea hits me, he is going to ask her if they are on a date, if they have been dating the entire time... and her response will be along the lines of this:<br />
<br />
Does it matter? I mean, all of our lives, we have tried to compartmentalize our relationships with people. I feel like that has made my relationships less than full. I put each person in a box and say 'this is you, you fit here' and that traps them. <br /><br />What if my brother could have been my best friend? But instead of turning to him based on some pre-defined relation, I turned elsewhere.<br />
<br />
What if I label this a date? Will that change the tone of our discussion? Will you look at me differently? Of course it will, and of course you will, because now you will see me in a small box; trapped inside the corners of your own minds definition of what 'date' means. <br /><br />I want to explore the world without relationship definitons. The old way clearly did not work for me and I don't think it worked well for you either. You trapped everyone into a box inside your mind and you wouldn't let them escape that pre-defined role you had imagined them filling.<br />
<br />
What if your conception of that relationship is wrong? And who tells you it is wrong. By shoving people into a corner like that you not only imprison them, you imprison yourself. There is no growth in your understanding of yourself or others.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, if you open up, stop categorizing people by some pre-defined ideal set by a society we both agree is broken, if you do this, and you begin to explore the world without all those little boxes constraining your mind and your spirit, maybe, just maybe, your relationship with the world will grow in a way you could not have imagined. Maybe all that loneliness you have felt for so long will escape when you open the boxes.<br />
<br />
Are we on a date? Well, that depends on how you classify date. Stop letting a a definition decide your actions. Act as your will dictates not as your mind. Free yourself from life as a 'jack-in-the-box' and learn to run free. Stop. Be."Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-43801824353740202402014-08-11T21:44:00.001-07:002014-08-11T21:44:06.209-07:00Directions and inspirations...<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">another
mini-inspiration adds 500+ more words. Just a brief interaction that I
knew was coming, just was not sure when it would happen...</span><br data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><br data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$3:0" /><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$4:0">To clue you in, conflict cannot all be resolved in just a few chapters... and there cannot be too simple of a "ep</span></span><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">iphany" so, there has to be a girl come along that seems right, but is not...</span><br data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><br data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$3:0" /><span data-reactid=".84.1:3:1:$comment10202295461538471_10202295574661299:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">There
will be more journeys... the protagonist already took one small
excursion, I am planning at least two MAJOR excursions and a move to a
new city...</span></span></span></span></span>Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-7255453473320022202014-08-11T18:58:00.001-07:002014-08-11T22:06:46.911-07:00The tortured soul<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The tortured soul. Throughout recorded history, there have
been tortured souls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The strange part is that it is the tortured soul that has
made the world a better place, only to take away their gift all too soon. Art,
that very act which took an uncivilized people and created a vast and deep
culture, is the province of tortured souls. From the very first symbol drawn on
a wall, the artist has been a part of every major development.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That first symbol; the first hand gesture; was the beginning
of communication. Without their angst and need to create a form of
communication, later forms of art would not be possible. All art has evolved
from those first pictures; those first grunts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There would be no Mozart without the first words and no
Shakespeare without the first written word. There would be no Monet, no Picasso
without those first pictures. Throughout it all, it seems, art has been
permeated by tortured souls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it is the very nature of the muse which inspires the
artist. Each artist has a unique muse; one that gives a message either visually
or verbally. It is often just a hodge-podge of stimuli which is processed
uniquely by the artist. Oftentimes that creation is something so entirely
unique that no one else is capable of interpreting the initial inspiration in
such a beautiful or haunting manner.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whether it be from the epic poems of ancient Greece, the
beautiful music of Mozart. Even in modern times, music, art and acting have
provided a vast number of tortured souls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some are capable of overcoming the dark side of the muse and
find a way to triumph. In reality, all souls have a form of their own torture.
The duality of existence creates a form of tortured soul in us all. We are all
conscious of our existence and we are also very conscious of the fragility of
that existence. Most of us simply go through each day without ever really
digging into the depths of our duality. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We simply exist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The artist, though, takes that digging and creates something
that brings joy to many. If they cannot bring themselves joy, they take great
delight in bringing that joy to others. It is a tenuous existence at best. From
the Greek sculptors, Bupalos and Athenis, who were rumored to have
been driven to suicide by unflattering commentary from one of their subjects,
through contemporary artists like Kurt Cobain, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and now
Robin Williams, the list of artists who committed suicide is too long to
detail. Suffice it to say, though, that the list is inclusive of all forms of
art.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is it that makes the artist unique? They use their
pain to bring joy to others. By exposing their pains to the world, though, they
are in a constant state of edge. Living life always on the edge can be a
dangerous choice. Add in the somewhat strange need to medicate their pain while
not performing through other addictive behavior and the tortured soul is
perilously close to the edge of oblivion on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a regular basis.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We will never be able to understnad the tortured soul.
After we lose an artist of immense talent, many, many people will talk about
what we can learn. The truth is, we realty cannot truly learn what it is like
to be that tortured soul. It is a loneliness that only he or she will ever
understand. Their torture is unique to them. There is nothing from Kurt Cobain’s
tortured mind that will translate to Robin Williams. Though they may have had
the same ultimate end to their torture, the arrival at such a place bears no
resemblance to one another.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They were each tortured souls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What we are left with are memories. Memories of music,
laughter, beautiful pictures and beautiful words. We must only embrace the
beauty they left because they are like shooting stars. Their time here is
short; how short only they can ever tell, but short nonetheless. Take their
words, their music, their life and enjoy their beautiful souls while you can.
Even if they were not tortured souls, their time is still short. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Their tortured soul, though, has made the world a better place. Duality creates
so many questions with so few answers. Why is it that the tortured soul brings
so much joy to the world around them, yet cannot find joy themselves? That is a
question that cannot be answered in this life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Enjoy what they gave us. Hope they find the peace in the after-life they could
not find on Earth. But know this, the artist give their tortured souls so the
world might be a better place, even if only for the briefest of moments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank those tortured souls. Enjoy their gifts. There is
not much that lasts forever. Not even the tortured soul. But their gifts will
always be.</div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-20485298917850980842014-08-11T13:17:00.001-07:002014-08-11T13:17:38.415-07:00Inspiration can come from anywhereSo, I needed someone at the end of the book, someone who could provide like an earthquake of challenges to Brian's mind. KI was unsure about this until, as I considered, and as I was browsing Facebook one night, the perfect inspiration hit me...<br />
<br />
You see, there are a lot of Facebook friends for me, many of whom friend requested me due to the writing... which is all good and I don't mind at all... and I have followed along through all of the ups and downs of some of them... the truth is definittely stranger than fiction on occasion!<br />
<br />
Well, as I was reading one day, it hit me that there is a particular person whom I do not know that is the perfect, and I mean PERFECT inspiration behind a new character. I would never reveal this person's name, but the history will be deep and textured and will provide the perfect creative challenge to the protagonist!<br />
<br />
The words written are gold. Not as they are written, but as I see them changed in the story.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-53885146633520135422014-08-11T12:31:00.001-07:002014-08-11T12:31:48.840-07:00Life, Working and writingThe most difficult part about writing a project like this book is when you have a full time gig that takes up 40 plus hours per week. Add in commute time, sleep time and that leaves precious little time for writing.<br />
<br />
For me that is exaggerated by also being a power lifter who is unwilling to give up being in shape and the fact that I write three articles a week covering sports. Suddenly there is hardly any time left.<br />
<br />Because of this, my time has to really be used wisely. Today I wrote during the first part of my lunch...w as able to get 1000 words to the story. I also decided I need to take my notepad everywhere. There are ideas I have not yet incorporated that I can plug in later, and new ideas are always popping up... being able to jot them down is important.<br />
<br />
I have also found that this stream of consciousness stuff can be a big time blessing in disguise. Yes. You are going to bare YOUR soul a little. But when you can train yourself to write AS THE CHARACTER, then you are going to see some amazing things come out.<br /><br />Don't worry about grammar or punctuation; syntax or tense, simply let your fingers pound out some words and then you can go back through it to see if it makes any sense. And, guess what? It probably will, and you will think it is some of the best stuff you have ever written.<br />
<br />
Writing is art. To think that we can plan every facet of it, takes away the art. If I wanted to write formulaic books, I could. But that is just paint by numbers. I don't want to be that guy. I cannot paint a picture with oil, but I think I can do so with words.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-73729172020948495472014-08-10T20:55:00.003-07:002014-08-10T20:55:53.677-07:00Exhausted creativityWriting is a unique endeavor. every character created by the writer is a small piece of our sould. Every line is a small window into our psyche.<br />
<br />
Despite these quick visions of a person, they do not represent us in our entirety. They are but small glimpses at a piece of us.<br />
<br />
At the end of a piece of fiction, we should be spent mentally, having exhausted ourselves of every ounce of our internal being. Yet, when we put pen to paper once again, that spirit is refreshed anew. All that we put to paper prior is behind us while what we begin to put down the next time around begins the cycle all over again.<br />
<br />
Like life, there is a circle of consciousness in writing. There is no way we can create a character, a story, without incorporating some small piece of our soul. Finding a way to do so without permanently losing that soul is much trickier.<br />
<br />
I often wonder if this is why writers such as <span class="st">Salinger struggle to make further inroads into their own consciousness. Sometimes, at the end of a project, we come to the dark realization that we have given everything we have; we are spent. With nothing further to give to a particular endeavor, in this case, art, we simply seek other endeavors.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">I hope when I get to the end of this project, I have more inside me; I hope that muse comes back with a vengeance and a force never before seen.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">Hope.</span>Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-437844821498411412014-08-08T20:57:00.000-07:002014-08-08T20:57:59.354-07:00Reading and writing...I have seen some writers that say they cannot read while they write; that it somehow blocks their creative flow... I cannot imagine right now NOT reading while I work on this project... but it has to be very, very good writing. <br /><br />I find that it stimulates my mind; creates a new flow of my mind. I want the protagonist character of Brian Jefferson to grow and develop organically. If I try to focus solely on the book and the characters, I think I will lose that organic spontaneity.<br /><br />I want there to be changes; differences, directions I did not pre plan. I have already made some big time changes in the development of the character and I hope to get inspired with other changes later. I cannot do that if all I do is keep a singular laser like focus on one direction.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-20655491339127451972014-08-08T17:08:00.002-07:002014-08-08T17:10:00.936-07:00Boise<i>Writers note: Decided tonight that I would release the rest of the first chapter of the book. Rather than just that piece, here is the first chapter in its entirety.</i><br />
<br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Chapter I</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the middle of nothing is
everything. In the middle of everything is nothing. Memories of the past are
fuzzy, but the past is clear. Thoughts of my future are clear, but the path is
fuzzy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The simplistic will refer to what I
see as duality by the all too easy zodiac sign; the Gemini. Sadly, it is far
too complicated a life to look to some meaningless alignment of stars as the
sole basis for the conflicted mess that has become the mind of man today. Would
we assume that these alignments are to blame for all duality? Are only those
born under the sign of Gemini conflicted? If not, then signs of the zodiac
cannot begin to explain our daily duality. No. That explanation lay
considerably deeper. This is simply my story of conflicted development.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As all stories have a beginning, so
too does mine. Reality, though, says that the beginning is no different than
any beginning. The beginning is not the story, but the story only exists
because of the beginning. I was unaware of where the story began until this
moment as I reflected on the events which brought me to this place.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Several years earlier, I began this
journey. At the time, I had only the knowledge that I was moving somewhere.
Forward, I assumed; or should I say hoped?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I found myself, after several years
of rapid development, without work looking for the next step in the ladder I
had been climbing. After several weeks of what felt like disregard, I took to
the road. This was not a vacation, it was a soul discovery road trip under the
guise of a mind clearing drive to the coast. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had spoken frequently to the young
mothers I counseled about the importance of goal setting. “Begin with the end
in mind,” I taught. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Choosing to ignore my own words, I
simply set to the road. Driving South, I thought the answers would arrive
within minutes. I had been fortunate enough to save well during the five years
that had passed since graduation. Though no one would confuse me with Bill
Gates, money, it would seem, would not be a deterrent on this trip. Deterrents
would arise, though, and more swiftly than I had imagined.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I backtracked towards middle
America, I found myself in Boise.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“What'll it be,” asked the
attendant. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Fill it with regular.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Where you headed?”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You know, I'm not sure. Taking a
trip, but just not sure where I am going or how I am going to get there, other
than by car.” I did know, though. I was going away. Fear of the known was
driving the Lexus, I was merely along for the ride.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Really? Always wanted to do
something like that, just never had the balls to go on the road without a
plan.”<br />
<br />
“Not sure that balls is what it takes. This started because I had nowhere to
go, and no one with whom to make the trip. I simply got behind the wheel of my
car and started driving,” I confided. Not even sure I was confiding in this
man. I was unsure of myself and talking about this only exaggerated those
doubts. Nonetheless, there I was, practically baring my soul to some stranger
in a gas station.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I could have gone on for hours, but
certainly the thick man with deep-set brown eyes and jet black hair had no
desire to listen to the ramblings of a man who had no real knowledge to pass
along. It really exemplified the state of my mind. I was headed east; I was
driving, but the truth is, I was headed to the middle. But which middle I did
not yet know.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was a bright, sunny August
afternoon. I had left Seattle early in the morning thinking I was taking a
scenic trip to the Oregon coast. The jagged rocks and crashing waves always
gave me a sense of comfort. Though it seemed that August days were nothing but
misty haze along that particular stretch of beach, the truth of the rocks and
waves were always something to behold. When I reached Portland, though, I
turned east. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At home were many of the regular
creature comforts that many had grown accustomed to; nice furniture, flat
screen television, an apartment full of that which I thought proved my
successes. I had graduated from Lewis & Clark College, a small private
college in Portland five years earlier. In those aforementioned five years, I
had rapidly developed in a career working with underprivileged families. This
was not the typical underpaid social worker environment. I had graduated with a
bachelor’s degree in psychology before earning a law degree. As an advocate
employed by a division of the Walters Foundation, I worked with underprivileged
families scarred by mental health trauma. Many of the families I had worked
with suffered from various forms of mental and physical abuse.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was unsure exactly why I chose to
confide in this attendant. I guess I needed someone other than myself with whom
to speak. On these long trips, I frequently turn the music up very loud if for
no other reason than to temporarily drown out my continuous thoughts. I was
quite familiar with controlling topics of conversation and guiding
conversations along a pre-defined path. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I headed out of the store front
towards my gleaming silver Lexus convertible, I turned back and asked the man,
“Is there anywhere peaceful that I could stay?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Idaho Falls isn't too far, but it
will be another 300 miles or so.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Yuck. I've been on the road all
day. Maybe I'll head up there tomorrow. Know any good places to eat nearby?”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Depends on what you're looking for.
Most people don't know this, but Boise has one of the largest Basque
populations around. There's a really cool little Basque restaurant over on
Capitol. If you want more traditional, there's a place over on Protest or an
awesome old-fashioned drive in restaurant that serves prime-rib over on State
Street.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Basque, you say? You know, it
always seems easier to go with what I know. Think I'll go a different
direction. Guess I am on an adventure. How far is it?”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“It's just up the road a bit. Get
back on the 84 take the 184 towards downtown, at the end, you'll be downtown
just a couple blocks away,” said the attendant.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Feeling up to a new experience after
a long day on the road, I asked for the name of the restaurant.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Easy. Bar Elkano. I remember that
because I love elk meat and the name of the place was real close to that. They
have lots of different lamb stuff on the menu,” he said.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Thank you,” I replied. Wanting to
show a friendlier side, I scoured for a name tag. Just as I was walking out, I
caught a glimpse of the name; Todd. “Thank you Todd. I appreciate all your
help.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I got into the Lexus, I called
information to get the address. Plugging in the address to my GPS, I headed
right to the heart of downtown Boise.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I approached the door, I saw that
they were open until one o'clock. I was thankful as I had not eaten much. So
consumed with driving, I had only stopped for gas and snacks. I was desperate
for some good food. Maybe, too, I was looking forward to being in the company
of others. It had been a long day of lonesome driving. Though I kept the music
loud, the thoughts still crept out and invaded my consciousness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had taken quite the circuitous
route from Seattle. Almost ten hours on the road had taken its toll on my eyes
and my body. The Lexus was comfortable; but ten hours is a long time to sit in
a car grinding along long stretches of nothingness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Driving through the Columbia Gorge,
I saw plenty of National Scenic area signs, but most of it was vast stretches of
brown fields running alongside the Columbia River. While a student at Lewis
& Clark, I had explored much of the West end of the gorge, near the
Portland metro area, but had rarely gone past Cascade Locks. On a sunny day, it
was a peaceful drive, but not much on the scenery. Once I headed up the
mountains, though, that changed. The Blue Mountains were quite picturesque. Not
in the way that say Mt. Hood or Crater Lake would have been on a warm clear
afternoon. More so how any pine tree lined stretch of highway would have been.
There was a small river along much of the stretch.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I pondered as I moved from the
bleakness of the fields in the Columbia Gorge to the wondrous mountains just
how it had been so long since I had truly noticed what surrounded me daily. Far
too often, when in work mode, the mind switches to auto-pilot. We are conscious
of everything we pass, but are not conscious of our consciousness. It baffled
me that I could be so close to such vastly varied landscape without even
considering any of it for more than a moment.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I couldn't, though, as there was
always somewhere to be; always working; always in meetings, it seemed.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Surely everyone who loses a job goes
through this same thing, I thought to myself. Suddenly aware of everything
around them. Suddenly cognizant of their own lack of consciousness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All this passed through my mind as I
worked my way towards Bar Elkano. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I entered, it occurred to me that
the crowd was diverse to a degree I was not accustomed. I had taken to eating
only in fine restaurants. From the outside, this tiny corner bar seemed to be a
place less suited to a man in his early thirties wearing a dress shirt with
jeans and driving shoes. Look around, though, there were older people dressed
similar and younger people considerably more casual.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I sat alone, in a corner booth.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Noticing that I appeared to be
somewhat lost in my mind, an older man with short gray hair and dark colored
glasses asked from another table if I needed help.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Not really. Just trying to figure
out what's up with this place. Just in town for the night and needed a place to
eat. Guy at the gas station said this was a pretty good place. Said Boise had
one of the largest Basque populations in the country?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Not 'one of;' <i>the</i> largest
Basque population in America,” said the man with a weird sense of pride.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Really? Tell me how that happened?”
I was always a little curious about the smaller stories of the American
migration. The history books could not do justice to the reality of what
transpired throughout the nineteenth and early twentieth century.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Pretty much like any migration,”
the man began. “You see, a Basque is an ethnic group, not a nationality. In
fact, the Basques have never had a country of their own. There are only about
two million world-wide. Originally, the Basques inhabited a small corner along
the borders of Spain and France near the Pyrennes mountains.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“John Adams used the form of
government practiced by the Basques as his inspiration for his Defense of the
Constitution of the United States.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“In the late 1800's, large groups
arrived here as gold miners, but quickly turned to sheep herding to make money.
Liking their success, they wrote home to family and friends, encouraging them
to move West and join them. Just like that, between 1900 and 1920, the Basque
population in Boise began to grow.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“What is it that differentiates the
Basques from the French or Spaniards,” I asked?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“For one, the Basques have their own
unique language. It is not an Indo-European language and many speculate that
the Basques are the inhabitants of Europe prior to the spread of this language.
We take great pride in being what we consider the 'true' inhabitants of
Europe.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Ah, so you are a Basque descendant,
then,” I interrupted.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Sure am. Paulino Agire. I am the
curator of the local Basque Museum. Pleased to meet you. I come here every
Saturday for dinner. Have to support Basque businesses and this is one of the
best. People call me Paul. Food is like the center of what the Basque culture
is all about.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Smells pretty good in here,” I
responded. “Anything you recommend?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Absolutely. Try the Solomo which is
a pork sandwich with peppers. Incredible here. And, if you want to expand a
little, try the Isastegi Basque Cider,” Paul said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Cider? Really? Is that like the
hard ciders that have popped up all over the markets?” I asked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Not even close. This comes from the
Basque cider-making tradition, which eschews the addition of sugar or
carbonation. The result is a true expression of the fruit, and the processes of
fermentation,” Paul assured me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And, so began my first night.
Unsure, I ordered the sandwich and the cider. I had heard of many friends who
spent summers in Europe while in college. This is how they lived; exploration
for several months at a time. They would wander about the continent and find
out of the way places, enter and become like one group of traveling friends.
Friends for just the night before each individual or couple moved on to the
next adventure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is what it felt like for me
this first night. I had never taken part in that summer ritual so many of my
classmates had in Portland. Most of them were schooled on their parent’s income
while I worked and paid my way. Such is the life of a man who was born without
the same privileges. I had envisioned myself a self-made version of “Pip” from <i>Great
Expectations</i>. While he had a benefactor, I was making this upward move on
my own accord. Cognizant of my past, I forged ahead with blinders ignoring a
past that I had put in a rear view mirror lodged deep within my mind.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here I was, though, with memories of
inadequacy flooding back. Paul need not know. He saw a man before him who,
though dressed casually, had clearly some advantage and comfort in the company
of men of character.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Paul seemed a pleasant man at ease
with where he was in life. But I began to wonder about his culture. He spoke
proudly of the Basque culture and his heritage. There was no secret shame in
his dark eyes. He showed no signed of trepidation when he mentioned the shepherd
past of culture. Yet I had some knowledge that the culture must have changed
over the last ninety years. After all, sheep herding is not exactly in high
demand these days. Surely the Great Depression changed the culture of the
Basque sheep herding just as the Dust Bowl migrants had their entire lives
turned upside down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yet, here was a strong vibrant group
considered the largest Basque population in the nation right here in Boise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Had the small ethnic group truly
maintained their culture? It was difficult for me to know for sure. Without
knowledge of Paul's ethnic heritage, one might never know much about his
culture. He seemed perfectly assimilated into American culture.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I was pondering these thoughts,
Paul startled me back to reality.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I didn't get your name,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Sorry. Brian. Brian Jefferson.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Brian let me ask you a question.
You say you're just in town for the night. Which way are you headed?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Still a little lost in my thoughts,
I simply responded “Not sure. Might head out to Idaho Falls for a while. Just
taking a break from home for a while.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At that thought, I began to eat my
sandwich. I was starting to feel self-conscious about where the conversation
would head with Paul. He had a great sense of pride in his heritage and I
feared that a longer conversation may lead to my questioning what it all really
meant. His ethnic pride seemed almost a mirage to me. Here was this man,
talking fondly of the past; a curator of the local museum. But something struck
me. There was a glint in his eye when talking about his culture and heritage,
but there was a shallow tone. Discontent. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Paul thought himself a
preservationist. Here he was, speaking to anyone who would listen with great
pride about the history of his small ethnic group. But all his words came out
in a past tense. There was no mention of what his people were doing now; no
pride in current accomplishments.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I understood this feeling. I had
some knowledge of my own ancestral glory; but for me, it just just that;
ancestral. A part of my past history that had little effect on my daily life.
We reminisce about the glory of our past, but it is a shallow pool of
remembrance. Nothing of consequence about my ancestral history had any impact
on my daily life. Like many, I watched <i>Braveheart</i>. I had great pride in
the accomplishments and bravery of my own origins. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, that soul; that heritage. It
wasn't even a memory. It was simply images flashing on a screen or words
printed on paper. Somewhere along the line, my heritage became nothing more
than history book fodder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I imagined if I had continued too
deep into conversation with Paul, I may have gone to a dark place that he did
not want. The reality is more that I did not want to get too deep into
conversation with myself. To do so might require forming a relationship that
seemed far too fleeting for intimate conversation about my own history and my
own past. Yes, I knew a little of my history, but I had no relation to that
history. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A life lacking in the ability to be
intimate had led me to many inconsistencies. One of these was an inability to
allow my thoughts overcome fears. The only intimacy I knew were brief
encounters. A life of brief encounters seemed easier. I had no intimacy with
women and felt ill-at-east with myself in their presence. Paul's seeming
self-confidence only reminded me of something missing from my mind. Sure I had
relationships that many consider intimate which were, in reality, nothing more
than short bursts of fear masked in dominance. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Superficially, I could relate to
everyone. And that is where intimacy ended. I could have bored Paul all night
with my knowledge of my own family history. Having traced our family genealogy
back over a thousand years, I knew that we had descended from the Clan Gregor
of ancient Scotland on my mother's side. Recitation of Scottish facts; of my
Highlands ancestry may mesmerize many. Nonetheless, I was quite aware of my
surroundings and felt it inappropriate to get to such intimate levels with
strangers. I was but a stranger and did not wish to become an encumbrance.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Knowing the easiest way to fend off
intimate conversation was to engross myself in an act that could truly only be
individual, I finished my sandwich and drank the cider. The sandwich was quite
unique; the pork was marinated in a special pepper sauce with pimentos on a
fresh made baguette. AS the tender meat melded with the sweetness of the sauce,
the textures and smells took me to a simpler state of mind. For such a simple
sandwich, this was exquisite. The cider was still a little too sweet for my
taste, but I got the appeal. This was real cider. The meal made me almost feel
like I had traveled back in time to an earlier European restaurant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I noticed as I was finishing the
sandwich that Paul had begun to leave. As he was walking out the door, he
offered a polite wave. His hand barely to shoulder level, he seemed
disappointed, almost, that I had cut off his talk with dinner. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had noticed a motel just a block
away; nice looking place. Good enough for the night. The clerk was tall and
slender, a tern yet polite face greeted me and offered his assistance. He
appeared to be in his early forties with thinning hair. His greeting was as
genuine as you could imagine that of any man who spent eight hours a day being
cheerful in the face of weary travelers. It must have been somewhat easier
working in such a place with painted with soft hues and finely furnished to
present the upscale image of a modern country club sitting room. He looked
tired, though. Through the cheerful looking smile, his eyes had deep dark
circles and the corners were worn. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I checked in and parked the Lexus.
After heading to my room, it dawned on me that I only had a duffel bag with
enough clothes for one overnight stay. No matter. I put my bag on the bed and
decided I wanted to take a walk. I needed time to really think and nothing did
that better for me than a walk alone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I walked out, the daylight had
barely begun to fade. Boise was warm and I enjoyed the feel of a cool breeze
gently blowing as I strolled on to the paved sidewalk. While I had originally
set out to spend my night at the coast, I felt a comfort near water. Close by
in the downtown area was a river in the midst of lush green parks. Downtown
Boise was vibrant in its appearance and I enjoyed a long stroll along the river
as I contemplated so many things that I really could not focus on any one
specific. I wandered by the river. This was not a rapid heavy river, or at
least not this section. It was gently meandering through the city. A river has
no friends, only the random touching of objects along the way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I felt much like this river. Perhaps
in large part that I was a stranger in a city where no only one man even knew
my name, but this place seemed no different than any other place I have called
home over the years. If you looked from the sky with no knowledge, Boise is
like an oasis in a vast brown wilderness. Outside the city, long stretches of
brown and nothing. In the city, though, you would never know just what lay
beyond. A metaphor, I pondered; or maybe a parable. The river flowed through
Boise like I flow through life; in contact with many, friends with none.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And there it was, that thought that
kept creeping in my head. In the middle of nothing is everything. In the middle
of everything is nothing. The former seems illogical while the latter is
logical. Memories of the past are fuzzy, but the past is clear. Thoughts of my
future are clear, but the path is fuzzy. It was like an intruder planted this
seed in my soul. What did it mean?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Like this river, I had shared the
banks of my life with many. Pleasantries and drinks shared informally with
like-minded people. Just like a river, though, I could be gone in an instant
and be but momentarily missed as the next band of water rolled through.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had entered law and began working
for the Knight Foundation in an effort to help others overcome. Along the way,
I always thought I had been helping. So convincingly friendly to all, yet
without friends. Just clusters of acquaintances with whom I shared nothing past
superficial conversations.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As the thoughts became more
convoluted and less pleasant, I decided that the time for introspection was not
at hand. It is difficult to understand your own relevance without first
understanding what it means to be relevant in the first place. To understand
the self, I felt I must understand what the self is in the mind of others.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had done well with school which
made me believe that my mind was strong enough to overcome any and all
adversity. Lacking, though, was the recognition that if the mind does not have
control of the body, it is easy to succumb to the pleasures of the body.
Thoughts of past pleasure tricked the mind into a false state of happiness. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While this is something I understood
extrinsically, I had never been able to internalize the knowledge. To
understand inadequacy, I had to allow myself to be intellectually intimate with
others. This thought scared me as it seemed far too difficult. With that in
mind, I simply wanted to escape the haunting thought that to be less
dissatisfied with my station, I needed to enter uncomfortable territory. It
seemed simpler to forget the problem for the time being and move on to a
vibrant club in the downtown area.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Strolling through this strange yet
familiar city, the scents attacked my mind more so than the sights. Oftentimes,
cities seem almost homogeneous in their appearance. The shrubs and trees that
lined the river, though, created its own unique identity. The pleasant smell
briefly took those thoughts away as I walked only to create more as they took
me to a different time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With many people the sense of smell
brings only the pleasant memories. For me, however, pleasantness would
frequently be short-lived. Being beside the river, though it was far from
childhood took me back. A time that should be nothing but innocence and all I
could seem to remember was loss. Not the kind of abject loss that happens. No,
this was the abstract loss of long-forgotten dreams.</span></div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-64730513390164987862014-08-07T19:40:00.002-07:002014-08-07T19:40:23.625-07:00Golden Notes<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
I
just found some written notes I had and there is some GOLD in those
words! I forgot to send my writing from earlier today home, so I
probably won't get any more writing done tonight, but these notes will
make a huge difference...<br />
<br />
They will likely be enough to sustain several days of writing!</div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-48130497529899436842014-08-05T12:35:00.001-07:002014-08-05T12:35:41.646-07:00Conflicted roles<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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There is an ironic heroism in the character who remains
flawed until the day he dies. In literature there is the inevitable desire to
see a conflicted being; one he recognizes his flaws and wants to change. As Faulkner
once said “the only subject worth writing about is “the human heart in conflict
with itself.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But sometimes that conflict does not exist within itself.
Sometimes narcissists and sexists remain that way right up until they take
their last breath. Their sexism; their self-absorption, never dies. Their
negativity is exhaled back into the universe to infect another living soul.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a truth we sometimes struggled to accept. A truth of
reality. Literature is about so much more than the prose or a particular
message. In<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>away, by allowing the flawed
character to remain so, we see inside ourselves. Isn’t that what good
literature should do? Make us reflect on ourselves? We cannot always be heroes;
sometimes we struggle with our own heart in conflict with itself.</div>
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<br /></div>
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While we may be struggling with that very dilemma, what
better way than to see the struggle by seeing someone devoid of such humanity?
I think we recognize our own humanity a little better when we see a person who
we think we identify with unable to grow. It gives us a little sense of what we
can to better than the anti-hero. If he cannot see past the superfluous of sex,
money and power, maybe we can recognize it better. <br />
<br />
If we allow ourselves to identify too closely with literary figures, then we
also take away our own ability to grow. That does not mean all such characters
should be devoid of humanity; the opposite is true. We need to see all ends of
the spectrum. There needs to be that character who struggles with his own
internal conflict. But by the same nature, we also need to see that despicable
being who remains despicable. It shows us how to resolve the conflict a little
more. After all, we have a choice with our own heart in conflict; grow and
become a better version of ourselves, or continue spiraling into a
self-absorbed monster whose only goal is his own satisfaction.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think that this is the flaw in the concept of Hedonism
and, to some extent classic utilitarianism. Too many people think that
maximizing benefits is a reflection on self benefits, not benefit to society mankind.
The golden rule sounds great, unless you’re one of those who is okay with the
fact that other people might do horrible things to you, which make sit okay for
you to go on the attack.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the character I am developing, this is exactly what he
is working through. He has serious conflict; a conflict that emanates from his
knowledge that what he is doing, his sexual obsession, his inability to be
truly intimate with women; his focus on money and “things” makes him not what
he wants to be, but in a world where money and power are lauded, how does he
become what he wants to be when that is the antithesis of what is celebrated in
American Culture?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No one celebrates the man who works hard, makes just enough
to cover the bills, saves little, loves his wife, comes home from work every
night to be a family man; no one celebrates this. When a man gives up career
opportunities to stay close to his children, what becomes of him in the eyes of
others? He is looked at as a failure; or less of a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is real. It is out there. Compare the
single father who makes $30,000 per year and the single non-father who makes
$75,000. There is a difference in how is treated. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There has been a confusion of roles. In the 1960’s, it was
expected that men, if divorced, would send that check and keep doing their
thing; then, a new generation began to develop. Men were suddenly supposed to
be more caring; more compassionate. We changed; but the perceptions of success
went though no such change. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The definition of a successful man did not change to meet
the new expectations. It has created more internal conflict in the American
male than ever. What are we supposed to be? </div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-35578695402020147802014-08-03T20:04:00.001-07:002014-08-03T20:04:48.424-07:00Using stream of consciousnessReading Faulkner introduced me to this concept. I had done some of it, but had really used it more as a "block" buster to get past any humps or "delays" in the natural flow of the story.<br />
<br />
And it works. Today, however, I actually used this for a long paragraph which seemed to work well<br />
<br />
This paragraph:<br />
<br />
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
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I wonder why it is that the women who are less attractive
can be so much more friendly? What is it with our beauty obsession and the
manner in which those people who are considered more attractive can be so cruel
in how they treat others. After all, we all have the same kinds of feelings the
same kinds of fears and the same kinds of insecurities. I guess because the
more attractive people know that they can have their choice in this world they
feel they have the right to act as they feel and treat others without concern
for their feelings. Reality is that Brian is a better looking person than he
know. He treats people differently; almost like he is the less attractive one
and feels it necessary to be nicer to everyone. This doesn’t mean that I think
that all attractive people are mean. Sometimes it is really more of a hormone
thing than an attractiveness thing. As the attractive age past their youth and
the discretions that accompany that confusing time of life they also tend to be
a little less judgmental over looks. This is something I have noted over time. </div>
</blockquote>
Led to some other great thoughts afterward<br />
<br />
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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Unfortunately, many times their obsession with
attractiveness becomes one about money.</div>
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<br /></div>
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This is why I have felt the need, I think, to surround
myself with the best that money could buy. It was an illusion, just as beauty
was. Make people believe something about you and they will. Make the illusion
real enough and the illusion may become a reality. I never felt ugly, but I
also did not feel like girls were swooning over me. Many years later I would
come to understand that it really was not their responsibility to swoon over
me; if I wanted to make friends; have the pretty girls like me, it was my
responsibility to talk to them; be their friend. I was surprised when I found
out just how much they hadr struggled with high school. It looked like these
girls had it made; it looked like all of those ‘popular’ guys had it made. The
truth was they were in the same boat as me with different physical qualities
that made me feel inferior.</div>
</blockquote>
This second part is a way to get deeper into the character that is the protagonist of the story. While I had already delved into Brian's flaw with sex... I think this goes deeper into the psyche of the character and explains a bit why he might struggle with sexual compulsions... <br />
<br />
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-18556966296221705872014-08-01T17:11:00.001-07:002014-08-01T17:11:57.738-07:00Chapter I (continued): Basuqeing in the glory<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is what it felt like for me
this first night. I had never taken part in that summer ritual so many of my
classmates had in Portland. Most of them were schooled on their parents income
while I worked and paid my way. Such is the life of a man who was born without
the same privileges. I had envisioned myself a self-made version of “Pip” from <i>Great
Expectations</i>. While he had a benefactor, I was making this upward move on
my own accord. Cognizant of my past, I forged ahead with blinders ignoring a
past that I had put in a rear view mirror lodged deep within my mind.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here I was, though, with memories of
inadequacy flooding back. Paul need not know. He saw a man before him who,
though dressed casually, had clearly some advantage and comfort in the company
of men of character.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Paul seemed a pleasant man at ease
with where he was in life. But I began to winder about his culture. He spoke
proudly of the Basque culture and his heritage. There was no secret shame in
his dark eyes. He showed no signed of trepidation when he mentioned the
she[herd past of culture. Yet I had some knowledge that the culture must have
changed over the last ninety years. After all, sheep herding is not exactly in
high demand these days. Surely the Great Depression changed the culture of the
Basque sheep herding just as the Dust Bowl migrants had their entire lives
turned upside down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yet, here was a strong vibrant group
considered the largest Basque population in the nation right here in Boise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Had the small ethnic group truly
maintained their culture? It was difficult for me to know for sure. Without
knowledge of Paul's ethnic heritage, one might never know much about his
culture. He seemed perfectly assimilated into American culture.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I was pondering these thoughts,
Paul startled me back to reality.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I didn't get your name,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Sorry. Brian. Brian Jefferson.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Brian let me ask you a question.
You say you're just in town for the night. Which way are you headed?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Still a little lost in my thoughts,
I simply responded “Not sure. Might head out to Idaho Falls for a while. Just taking
a break from home for a while.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At that thought, I began to eat my
sandwich. I was starting to feel self-conscious about where the conversation
would head with Paul. He had a great sense of pride in his heritage and I
feared that a longer conversation may lead to my questioning what it all really
meant. His ethnic pride seemed almost a mirage to me. Here was this man,
talking fondly of the past; a curator of the local museum. But something struck
me. There was a glint in his eye when talking about his culture and heritage,
but there was a shallow tone. Discontent. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Paul thought himself a
preservationist. Here he was, speaking to anyone who would listen with great
pride about the history of his small ethnic group. But all his words came out
in a past tense. There was no mention of what his people were doing now; no
pride in current accomplishments.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I understood this feeling. I had
some knowledge of my own ancestral glory; but for me, it just just that;
ancestral. A part of my past history that had little effect on my daily life.
We reminisce about the glory of our past, but it is a shallow pool of
remembrance. Nothing of consequence about my ancestral history had any impact
on my daily life. Like many, I watched <i>Braveheart</i>. I had great pride in
the accomplishments and bravery of my own origins. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, that soul; that heritage. It
wasn't even a memory. It was simply images flashing on a screen or words
printed on paper. Somewhere along the line, my heritage became nothing more
than history book fodder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I imagined if I had continued too
deep into conversation with Paul, I may have gone to a dark place that he did
not want. The reality is more that I did not want to get too deep into
conversation with myself. To do so might require forming a relationship that
seemed far too fleeting for intimate conversation about my own history and my
own past. Yes, I knew a little of my history, but I had no relation to that
history. </span></div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-46435649286201434252014-08-01T16:03:00.001-07:002014-08-01T16:03:37.595-07:00Struggle is goodToday i Was able to pout some thoughts to paper and got another 1100 words piled in. Now, that is not a lot, but for 30 minutes during lunch that is a nice little bit of work. So far this project has about 12,000 words. I was able to pen about 4000 words this week.<br />
<br />
A decent sized novel will be anywhere from 120,000-140,000. With my pace, that makes it at least another 6 months before I even consider editing and going that route.<br />
<br />
I am not sure what I will do with it once completed. It is so difficult to do more than simply write it, but who knows where it will take me. Sometimes it is tough to change hats from sports and recruiting to a novel which is a philosophical/spiritual journey of a fictional character. But I trudge through.<br />
<br />
I can be sitting around doing little when inspiration hits... I put a general direction to the first half of the book on piece of paper today and that should help.<br />
<br />
in the mean time, if I include the articles published this week, there are closer to 6000 words... and that does not include my stream of consciousness... so, I am working always trying to develop this character, this project.<br />
<br />
Struggle is good.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-31334992209288468492014-07-31T22:07:00.004-07:002014-07-31T22:07:47.264-07:00Brian's fate<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1994">
<i>I have decided that I will also use this space as my writing journal. Today I had some free time and penned some thoughts in "stream of consciousness" manner a bit.</i></div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1994">
<br /></div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1994">
I
have decided yet whether brian will fall in love. If he does, I think
then you will suddenly see him understand every little detail, the
thickness of the hair on her arms; whether she has any hair on her
cheeks; how long her hair is when
he meets her. The color of her lipstick; her eye shadow. Every
conceivable detail about the surroundings when they meet.</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1993">
</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1991">
I
might have him meet a woman and have all this incredible detail, but
not let them go straight towards love; maybe not at all; maybe she
becomes more like a confidant. It is still undecided. Brian as a
character is decided yet not really.
He is a study in duality and I like that. The theme of what I see in
the world will always center on duality. I think this duality is
critical for us, as men, to understand our place int eh world.</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1891">
It
used to be simple. Go to work. Provide. Come home, be taken care of.
The household; the children, that was the wife’s responsibility. Things
have changed. We now care more about those other things we used to
consider trivial. Despite
this change, we still have expectations. There is a great crash between
an old ideology of caretaker and moneymaker that still exists. Now,
though, it co-exists with that ‘softer” side of masculinity.
</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1997">
</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1973">
I
think this softer side makes us better and I think it makes the world
better. But it is a process to get there and I do not think we have
arrived yet. There is still a lot of confusion and angest among the male
population in the civilized
world. Our role is not yet redefined enough. There are still too many
things that take us back to being the old male. And then we are thrown
into reality with a change.
</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1970">
</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1896">
Take
divorce. Int eh past, the man simply kept pursuing his career; sent a
check. Move if needed. Now? Far more frequently the man will forgo the
career moves to be a part of his childrens life even if that means
giving upa good job even
if that means only seeing them when the mother allows. Some judges only
give the every other weekend and yet there are some mothers who
recognize the importance of the father and allow as mucgh time as
possible,. But how does society look at the man whose
career is not what is ‘expected?” simple. The same as they used to. As a
single man, women still judged a man based on his ability to provide.
They still cared how much money he made.</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1896">
<br /></div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1998">
That
is the struggle to which I refer. It is still there. The funny part is
that many of the women who judge a man for giving up higher paying work
in favor of being active in their chhldren’s life… complain that the
father of their children
is not involved. A mixed message being sent to the single father from
the single mother.</div>
<div class="yiv4229546353MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1406869549948_1999">
</div>
Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2591103720070880263.post-71319448053316210162014-07-30T19:18:00.002-07:002014-07-30T19:18:30.629-07:00First to third: A new inspirationSo, I had a great line which I felt compelled to write down and in a quick 15 minute burst, suddenly there were 860 words on the page!<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
As I sat in silent contemplation of all that had occurred in one hazy semi-drunk act of lust the night before, I flashed back in time. Suddenly my mind felt the isolation of a young boy; 12 years old.</blockquote>
There, the first time you will see "current" writing or thoughts from the project. From that simple beginning I was able to expand on certain feelings of isolation I had been looking to add to the character. Isolated on the inside, not so much on the outside....<br />
<br />
I was looking for a good transition to end chapter 2, which I have conceived and it should work out well. It will involve some more in-depth research, but it will be a good transition...<br />
<br />As I was contemplating this move, something hit me... start mixing in third person narrative. So far, through about 11,000 words, the project has been a first person recollection. Now I plan to work on mixing in third person; how others see the character from outside counter imposed right on top of how he sees himself.<br />
<br />
It will make some of the story tough to weave together, but I hope to add a layer of complexity which also gives a deeper understanding of the character.Scott Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10303805417839611262noreply@blogger.com0